What is your life?

Today, events happened that led me to reevaluate what my life is and what God wants me to do for him in this transient period on earth. From young, I've looked up to women in the corporate world, those who don suits and look powerful and intelligent. That, for me, was the only ambition that had stood the test of time. However, growing up has unveiled a new world for me, a world of politics, insincerity, impression management, backstabbing, unethical behaviors, and the likes. These negative behaviors appear to be exacerbated by the context the individual is in. From stories and experiences, the corporate world seems to lead in that arena. That's not good news. As I drive past or happen to be in the Central Business District, with tall, grand buildings full of offices and busy people both in the building and on the sidewalks, I get this strange sense of excitement. An excitement that bubbles up from within me, and burns in me this wish to be part of them. The ambition I once had once again surfaces in my mind. People would expect that, after graduating from university, I would go that way, since it seems that I've been wanting to do that for a long time. But where am I now? In graduate school, playing with ideas, toying with concepts, struggling with statistics, busy writing. Between last year and this, I've thought that I could be a professor. That somehow, I might have the disposition to become one. I enjoy research. Really, I do. I just hate deadlines. But back to the point, these few months as a research student has not been easy. The path seems full of uncertainty. One moment you are getting feedback that you are doing well and that you will make a good professor. The next moment, you get negative feedback. Or rather, negative vibes, since people would rather keep quiet than give you negative feedback. Now, I'm not too sure how great a professor I can be. Then, there's a third route. To be an entrepreneur of some sort. Having dealt with people who are studying the field of entrepreneurship and having an overdose of entrepreneurial terms, I am somewhat averse to this word. It's like how W. is averse to people using the phrase "thinking out of the box" to denote creativity. Having my own little shop will be a dream come true. A shop where your wares delight your customers, the ambience thrills your customers, where money comes in shillings and pennies, and everything seems so magical. In this realistic world, financial matters drive individuals too much, I feel. Money is necessary to survive, but it's not everything. It cannot buy you happiness, time, freedom, satisfaction, or love. On the contrary, it detracts from it. Because you spend so much time trying to make money, you sacrifice the time you can spend with your family, your friends and yourself. We all need a little time for ourselves. Love is elusive especially if you have money. You become suspicious and unsure whether your partner loves you or your money. For girls, having more money scares the guy away. It gives people a certain impression and expectation of you. People become afraid to go near you. What's the point then in having money if you don't have a loved one to share it with you? A few of my close friends are extremely successful. At a young age, they set up and own businesses that have strong growth potential. I notice that these people are quiet people. They do not talk about what they want to do. They just do it. I have been talking about doing so many things, but somehow, none has materialized. Yes, money and time are the biggest issues, but that's no excuse. Reflecting upon this, I wonder where I will eventually end up. Will I be a professor, an entrepreneur, or a high-flying corporate executive? That is an answer that only God knows and only time will tell.