Been wanting to post something since Saturday...

Conference on Homosexuality and Homophobia, Saturday 30th August 2003, SCWO Centre, 9am-5.30pm
On Saturday, I attended a Conference on Homosexuality and Homophobia. It was meant for counsellors, social workers and psychologists, but I went anyway. It was an eye-opener. Not because I haven't seen so many gays and lesbians before but because I've never seen so many people ignorant about this issue before. It was fun mingling with the teachers and principal who gave me a different perspective of homosexuals within the school. However, it was sad to see that some of them were still rather prejudiced.

I managed to talk to some gays besides GX, and realized that certain things I heard from him were from a biased perspective. He was one who led a hedonistic lifestyle which shouldn't be extended to the rest. I tried extending the situation in US about homosexuals in the workplace to Singapore, but realized it doesn't work that way. This got me pretty frustrated. This irritation was compounded by a biased comment from GX about homosexuals being more talented than heterosexuals and therefore should be employed. I do not deny that there are talented homosexuals, but there are definitely stupid ones who are wasting their lives away by taking drugs, smoking, and basically living off their boyfriends. Despite the black sheep, I still feel that they are people that should be respected and admired, especially the group of volunteers who turned up for the conference. They are helping other homosexuals and trying to gain the respect of the community. They are fighting for what they believe and this is the right thing for them to do.

Another issue that was raised at the conference put sexual orientation on a continuum. It basically suggests that everyone falls somewhere between purely homosexual and purely heterosexual. I used to tell Tina that everyone has homosexual tendencies, it just depends on whether it is manifested and also its extent. I suppose I am partially right here. I know of pure heterosexuals who refuse to accept homosexuality and it pisses me off. I also know of pure homosexuals who are totally not attracted to members of the opposite sex. But from what I see, most people are attracted to members of the same sex at some point in time. This is particularly manifested in secondary school. By the end of the conference, I concluded that I am bisexual. I was rather attracted by all the cute butches that attended the conference that day, perhaps because all the cute guys were gays and there seemed to be few cute heterosexual guys around. I felt as if I was back in St. Nick's again. :P

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Vocation Sunday
After the conference, I rushed down to church as it was C's solo debut that evening. Upon arrival, the 7 booths that were set up outside the church caught my attention - Brothers of St. Gabriel, The Carmelite Sisters, etc. It was Vocation Sunday. Padre Anthony Ho gave a brilliant sermon. He identified God's calling as when one feels God in his/her life all the time. They think of God in whatever they do. I admit I am not such a good Catholic, but for a moment there, I thought I felt that this might be the path for me. I feel uncomfortable doing things that God tells us not to. I felt that way until A told me that everyone feels that way. Perhaps it was just my dad putting ideas into my head.

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Berlin Pianist
As I was sitting at my desk on Sunday, an image filled my mind. An image of the pianist I met in Berlin. The beautiful music surrounded Potsdamer Platz (a shopping mall in Berlin). Pachelbel's Canon in D. She was playing the full version, the most beautiful version. Mesmerized by the heavenly sound, I ran towards where the sound came from. Right in the middle of the bridge, a long-haired lady, dressed in a long dress sat elegantly at the piano, fingers flitting confidently over the piano keys. I stood nearby, enchanted by the tune, drawn into a surreal world of tranquility. It seemed like yesterday that I was in Berlin. A yesterday that I will remember forever. God was in everything I see - the autumn leaves falling from the trees in the park, the magnificent structures of yesteryears, the wonderful contrast between modernity and history, all set in a beautiful city in Germany. As my friend Tithima taught me... Shan Ra Berlin... it means I Love Berlin in Thai.