Hang Ups
I just realized that I'm afraid of my own shadow. That I've been overloading myself with work because I want to keep my every minute busy. To keep myself so occupied with people and things to do that I don't have time to be with myself. See, when I am with myself alone, I will start thinking about things that make me feel upset. It's probably something that started many years ago, and only now I'm realizing it. It's probably why I find so little time to read and to talk to God, because those activities require stillness and peace. The frightening feeling of stillness and being alone causes uneasiness in me - my heart feels uneasy, my mind starts thinking where all my friends are and what they are doing, and then why people have people to hang out with and I don't? Actually, I don't need people to hang out with but it just feels awful now - maybe because my routine of staying at home to do work on weekends has been disrupted by the constant going-out-every-weekend routine and now I'm feeling the side effects. It was such a stupid move I made.