Yesterday evening, there was a garden in church, but not the Garden of Eden. There was a ladybird, a worm and a yellow butterfly. The evening was peaceful until the ladybird perched on a branch, and the caretaker of the Garden flicked it off. The ladybird hissed, and was so pissed..the yellow butterfly told the ladybird off and the ladybird turned into a black beetle. Church is a place where we worship God. But lately (ok...maybe ever since young), I've been guy-watching. There are a few eye candies in the church... some too young for me (as I found out later), some attached (too bad)... but nevertheless, everytime my eyes wandered over, they were looking at me. It's really weird how girls usually start looking back at guys who look at them. I've been doing that my entire life! Do the guys look at them because they like them or because they are nice to look at? This is so weird. What about those guys who are attached already? Why are they still looking? Guys.. I give up on them.

The beauty of singlehood these days surpasses relationships. As a friend tells me, "there's no such thing as love... love is a game where you play to win... you go in without your heart...and you leave with it". Those are the words of a girl who's been hurt. She learnt it the hard way. I didn't take her advice because I think it's too cruel. I cannot bring myself to do it. However, somehow, I ended up hurting someone. I wish it never happened, but it did. It was a lesson for me. Now, I feel jaded. Jaded to the point of wanting to be single forever. Perhaps it is best to keep your love for someone to yourself, for it is impossible to love someone who loves you back.

To my beloved one that is gone... I love you... only you... forever.


I've Never Been To Me

Hey lady, you lady cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But I wish some one had talked to me like I wanna talk of you…

Ooh I've been to georgia and california and, anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun but I ran out of places and friendly faces
Because I had to be free
I've been to paradise
But I've never been to me…

Please lady, please, lady
Don't just walk away
Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me
Still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart
That has lived million lies…..

Oh I've been to niece and the isle of greece
While I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like harlow in monte carlo
And showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that woman ain't supposed to see…
I've been to paradise,
But I've never been to me….

Hey, you know what paradise is? it's a lie
A fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding
It's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love……

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But i…I took the sweet life
I never knew
I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring
That costs too much to be free… hey lady…

I've been to paradise…
But I've never been to me…

I've been to paradise
Never been to me
I've been to georgia and california
And anywhere I could run
I've been to paradise never been to me been to neice ans the isle of greece
While I've sipped champange on a yacht
I've been to paradise never been to to me…(fade)

A song that you and I both like... The way you make me feel when you ask for something I cannot give... The jaded feeling of the protagonist is what I'm feeling now...